


Underwhelming is an Understatement

by Enygma0710



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Don't copy to another site, Drabble, F/M, I guess it could be considered humorous, Jonerys, Modern AU, One Shot, Westeros within a westeros, fuck D&D, help with the healing process, sarcastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 19:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18901513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enygma0710/pseuds/Enygma0710
Summary: In an alternate world where Sam is the writer behind Game of Thrones and decides to draw inspiration from his friends and includes them in his novels. The group has just sat down to watch the season finale and this is what happens.So basically the characters in Game of Thrones watch characters based off of them in a tv show and they bitch about the season.So not a fix it fic. This is just my very odd, often dry sense of humor dealing with the shit show cluster fuck that was season 8. I did not plan to write this but here we are.





	Underwhelming is an Understatement

**Author's Note:**

> This popped in my head with the many conversations I've had over the last couple of days, especially after last night's clusterfuck. This is my way of 'laughing through the pain' and moving forward in this fandom from the hot mess that was season 8. 
> 
> We all got bamboozled and this is my way of dealing with it, using my dry, sarcastic sense of humor. If you don't like it. That's cool just popped in my head and thought I'd share. 
> 
> Be Easy peoples.

Jon turned off the television and leaned back against the leather couch with a long exhaled. “What the fuck did we just watch?” 

He looked over to Robb who sat with a similar shocked expression. “I really thought you’d get at least a happier ending but you’re going back beyond the wall?” Robb took a sip of his beer. “I thought when Sam killed me off at the Red Wedding was bad but damn Jon what did you to piss him off?” 

“Fuck if I know,” he gave an exasperated sigh. Dany entered from the kitchen, Jon reached out, grabbing her hand pulling her down into his lap, kissing her against her temple. 

“It’s fine, Jon.” Dany sighed, but he knew she wasn’t she was too tense and had left midway during the final episode. “I’m sure Gilly is reaming Sam out as we speak.” 

“I know it’s poetic license but did Sam really have to do this to us?” Margaery chimed in. “I mean it’s bad enough I had to marry his childhood bully Joffery, but I don’t even get to marry my own husband?” 

“Babe, you got blown up in a Sept,” Robb held up his hands when Margaery brown gaze narrowed challengingly at him. “Which is still horrible, but silver lining you outlived me and at least that wasn’t you that was my pregnant wife getting murdered.”

Margaery nodded. “You’re right, but still. I remember Sam telling us about that heated encounter he had with Talisa while on travel in Volantis.” 

"At least he didn't make you Dora the fucking explorer?" Arya huffed, next to Gendry. "For fuck sakes, I couldn't even take Gendry with me?” 

Gendry patted Arya leg affectionately, “At least he legitimized me…by Dany of course.” He smiled over at Dany. 

“And what are you looking so smug about?” Arya pointed at Sansa who was swinging her legs over the armchair. 

“Well after what he put me through in the last seasons, I get to be the Queen of the North.” She grinned. 

“Yeah alone,” Robb chimed in. “No point really, any child you have won’t be a Stark; add that to the list of contradictions; plus this entire season you were a-”

“Bitch,” Arya finished Robb’s sentence as she threw a pillow at Sansa’s head, barely missing her sister smug grin. “But you’re alone in the North, some ending that is.” She snorted. “Plus we lost, the pack is divided, we’re all lone wolves now.” 

“Do you think he consulted with the writers on this?” Bran asked, breaking his silent contemplation. “I mean did Bran just manipulated the whole situation? I thought he couldn’t take a title because he was the three-eyed raven?" He looked around the group. 

Jon shrugged. “I don’t know but it’s pretty shitty. You could’ve warned me or something.” Dany quietly stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

“And the foreshadowing? What was the point of it all from talking about your true parentage?” Robb started. 

“And boat baby? I legitimately thought we were getting a coronation and a boat baby this season?” Margaery finished. “It’s like the writers just gave up?” 

Jon shook his head. “Don’t even get me started on the shit military tactics, a part of me wishes the Night King had won.” 

“But I’d be dead?” Bran muttered, then shrugged. “But then I couldn’t be the puppet master that pulled the strings getting you all where I needed you to be so I could win.” Bran laughed, rubbing his hands together. Clearly enjoying his new theory of his character being evil. 

“Is it me or did it all seem rushed?” Sansa pointed out. “Visually it was beautiful but the story was lacking? Like how could Dany forget about the Iron fleet when they were just talking about it a scene before?” she chuckled taking a handful of popcorn and eating it. Her blue gaze darted towards the kitchen before she changed positions in her chair, leaning forward. “Also, that throne scene with you and Dany? What the hell was that about? I get she turns dark, still stupid about the bells but I was hoping if anything Arya would kill her.” 

Arya nodded, giving a sympathetic smile. “I would’ve done it, just so you know. You wouldn’t have to kill your in real life wife and be banished.”

"Yeah, even I can admit that's fucked up," Gendry added.

“Yeah did Dany piss off Sam in some past life? I thought she was his favorite until this season?” Robb asked. 

Jon shook his head, glancing over his shoulder into the kitchen. “I don’t know and Sam isn’t returning my calls.” 

“He probably not return anyone’s phone calls. Grey told me Missandei gave him a piece of her mind after killing off her character in chains.” Margaery stood up and began to pick up the discard beer bottles and plates from the table. 

“So, tone deaf” She murmured, shaking her head. “But at least it’s over with.” Margaery walked past them all and into the kitchen “I thought Rickon was coming by tonight?” 

"No, he stopped watching after his character died," Jon yelled as he too began to tidy up the living room. “He was angry that he didn’t do the zig-zag run. He said it’s the first thing you learn to do if you’re getting shot at.” 

“Where in the hell did he learn this?” Sansa asked, joining them in cleaning up. 

Robb shook his head. "I don't know this is Rickon we're talking about." He muttered as they all began to finish cleaning and slowly gather their things. 

Arya and Gendry were the first to leave, followed by Bran telling Sansa that even if she’s the queen in the north the northern lords are fickle and she'd quickly lose the throne especially if he warged in them to do his bidding. Robb and Margery were the last to leave. Dany had remained in the kitchen, cleaning and putting away the food for what had to be the most underwhelming watch party Jon ever attended. 

Margaery gave him a brief kiss on the cheek as she walked past him into the night. Robb stops and looked at him. "I'm not going to give you a kiss-"

Jon snorted, rolling his eyes.

"But if you need me to stop by tomorrow," he rested his hand on Jon's shoulder, gently patting it. "Just let me know. I'm just glad I'm not in your shoes." He smirked.

Jon playfully shoved his cousin out the door, closing it behind him. He strode over to the kitchen leaning against the doorframe. Dany's back was to him as she washed the dishes.

He walked over to her and turned off the water, standing next to her. “You sure you’re okay?” 

Dany sighed. “I am, just disappointed.” Jon reached out, rubbing her back in firm strokes. 

“They took a strong female character who came into power against all odds, made some tough decisions but still walked a fine line just to have everything stripped from her in the end and have her lover kill her?” Dany shook her head. “There’s nothing poetic about that Jon. It’s a sad trope of a woman gaining power and going mad and has to be taken down like a rabid dog.”She hissed. 

Jon cupped her face into his hands, brushing his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away her tears. 

“It’s fucked up. Jon was the only one she trusted and he chose duty over love.” He pulled her towards him, kissing her gently on her forehead. “I know it's just a tv show based off Sam's books, but that Jon was wrong. She offered him to rule at her side, together. It didn't make sense." 

"Majority of this season didn't make sense," Jon muttered into her lavender scented hair.

Dany looked up at him her violet eyes glassy. “Yeah that Jon definitely got castrated this season, previous season Jon’s wouldn’t have done that.” She let out a soft chuckle. 

“Feel better?” 

“A little,” she pulled away, wiping her face. “It’s just a bitter pill to swallow as a woman, you know? With everything going on in the world.” Dany tucked a loose silver curl behind her ear. 

“Are you going to call Sam?” Jon asked. It was a legitimate question. Almost ten years ago when Sam first asked them permission to use their names and some of their personality traits in characters in his first epic fantasy novel. They all thought it would be a cool thing to look back on. Something that would be told at family gatherings for generations to come but after this last season and Sam's writer's block, that no longer looked like an option. 

"Oh, I plan to meet with Sam, personally. He can't hide forever from me." She grimaced. “I mean really? The bells triggered me?” 

"Do I need to be concerned when they play jingle bells nonstop from November to December?” He joked. 

"Ha-ha," she admonished, taking a playful swat at his chest. "But you never know, who knows where my emotions will be by then.” She grinned, a playful glint in her eyes. 

Jon smirked, his hand reflexively running over the small swell of her stomach. "Well, I have seven months to find out I guess? Is madness related to pregnancy a thing?" he teased.

“You ass,” Dany cried out, punching him hard in his stomach. He deserved it and took it in stride. She reared back for a second one when he caught her hand, intertwining their fingers together before bringing her hand up to softly brush his lips against her knuckles. 

“Come on let’s go to bed. I’m sure our phones are filled with notification about tonight’s finale.” Dany nodded and turned off the kitchen light. 

“Just so you know,” she started, stopping them a few feet from their bedroom. “My Drogon would’ve attacked you. Drogon might not be a dragon but that one is loyal to his mother.” Jon glanced back to see the black pit bull lift his head as though he were being summoned from his spot on the floor next to Ghost. 

“That betrayal will never happen but duly noted.” Jon leaned forward, their lips met in a chaste but firm kiss. He tugged on her hand. “Come on, it’s all over now.” 

"That it is," Dany muttered as she followed Jon, closing the bedroom door behind them.

**Author's Note:**

> Remember in the end... it's the fandom that keeps it alive. I know we're all pretty fucking angry and raw about things and will probably disagree about what went down for years to come. Just remember everyone has an opinion and you can agree to disagree and leave it at that.....
> 
> Look at me, channeling my inner Yoda LOL


End file.
